Updates, Updates

First and foremost–E. and I reconnected and the bottom line is that we are not going to get back together at this time.  It is sad and hard but the right thing for both of us.  And we are not on bad terms–I will never hate or resent him because he brought so much to my life.  When I met E., all I wanted was to have a GOOD relationship, and I got that.
I’ve noticed that people are kind of reluctant or weird about asking me about it/him sometimes…like with any major Bad thing that happens in a person’s life.  I don’t mind talking about it.  I don’t talk about it a lot HERE because it’s not the right venue, but one on one I don’t mind talking about it.  So don’t be afraid to ask.  However, I say that with the caveat that some days I don’t feel like talking about it at all. Some days I would rather talk about almost anything else in the world.  And some days, I want to just hear a story that will make me smile.  And also, I realize this is completely selfish of me, but right now I cannot stand hearing about people’s weddings or family plans.  Just the truth.
In other news, on the subject of stories that make me smile, I got to spend time with Tori and Kim yesterday!  Yeah!!  I drove out to the ‘burbs all by my little self and made it back in one piece without maps or GPS. (I had my Blackberry if I got really lost, but most major highways will eventually dump you back into Chicago)  I had so much fun with these two lovely ladies!! Although I always feel bad for anyone in the general vicinity when Kim and I are together because we talk…and talk, and talk, and TALK.  I talk SO much and even when I am aware of it, I STILL do it.  So I hope I didn’t overwhelm the comparatively quiet Tori.
I’m going for a run shortly and…here’s my big announcement…I am planning to do the Hustle Up the Hancock in February (I’m even going to get to work early on the 1st so I can make sure I make it in the registration, that’s how serious I am).  And yes, I am going to do all 94 floors.  It is a perfect race for me because it is like nothing anyone I know has done (well, except for H. climbing Mt. St. Helen, but that’s a whole different ball game) so I have no time goals and no one to compare myself to.  I am just going to climb to the top of the Hancock tower the way my own body can.  Hooray!  I am pumped.  I’m not in “official” training yet, but this week I am going start experimenting with climbing the stairs at work for 30 mins at the end of the day.  Most of my co-workers are gone before I even leave, and to my knowledge not many people are running up and down the stairs at the end of the day.  And if so, so what? If anyone asks, I’m in training. (My hope is that the gym will open in time for my “official” training to start…and since I’m looking at early December, I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed! If all else fails, I can suck up a month at the park gym just to get my weight training done.)
Oh, another thing–I don’t think I officially announced here that the Scrabble tournament was indeed postponed to December 5th.  Which you probably figured out by now, since I was out with the girls yesterday and not at the tournament.  And I still have absolutely no idea who has donated or how much, so I apologize if you have and I haven’t thanked you.   P. and I will be meeting up later this morning for our weekly practice and general kibitzing.

Civics in Action!

Despite staying home today with a very angry tummy, I managed to make it out to vote in the community meeting about the proposed fitness center on my street.  I was ridiculously excited once I got inside.  See, I don’t really participate much in politics, much less community ones.  My generally nihilstic side tells me my vote doesn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things anyway*.  Plus life is hardly ever black and white for me, which makes voting yay or nay on any topic or person difficult. (also I really can’t stand to take an uniformed stance on anything, and let’s face it, after yesterday’s post you can probably guess just about how much time I want to spend researching issues)
However, I was pretty much wholeheartedly YAY on this one so that made it a bit easier.
I got to see the Alderman’s assistant, the zoning attorney for the fitness center owner, the real estate agent who is pretty much responsible for cleaning up and building up Montrose Ave., and the floor plan for the new gym.  I saw community participation in action.  I even asked a question.
In the end, the room unanimously voted IN FAVOR of the fitness center.  Hooray!! Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean it opens tomorrow.  It means the attorney and the Alderman and the Alderman’s assistant go in front of the zoning board when their case comes up (hopefully November) and testify that the community voted unanimously in favor of opening the fitness center, parking restrictions be damned.  And in the words of the zoning attorney, no guarantees, but it would highly unusual if the board denied the fitness center at this point (and likely the community would continue to make a stink, based on the overwhelming support).
The funny thing is, logically, my vote really didn’t matter. It would have still been unanimous had I not been there.  But understanding how the zoning on my street works, and physically being there to support an independent small business owner in this economy?  Well that was pretty awesome right there.
Perhaps I need to rethink my position on voting.
Or maybe we, as a country, need to think a little differently about coming together as a community.

*Let’s please save this conversation for another blog entry entirely, mkay?

I May End Up Pulling This Post Too

I have a theory.  I think women who are super fit, who plan all of their meals for the week and eat perfectly nearly every day? Who are the same height as me and weigh 30 lbs less because they exercise every day like clockwork?  I think those women cannot possibly have full time jobs with a commute and social lives.  It’s just NOT. POSSIBLE.
Seriously.  It’s six o’clock and I just got home.  Do I feel like cooking something up?  Hell to the no.  I grabbed Subway again for dinner.  I barely got out of bed on time this morning because I was running around last night after work (Although having fun! Yay! Thanks P!) and got home around 9:00pm wherein I was famished and then ate, and then didn’t exercise like I should have.  Then my neighbor decided to play his electric guitar at 11:00pm which caused me to stomp on the floor in my army boots and then yell some very nasty things at him and most of all not fall asleep.
One day this week I didn’t eat lunch until 2pm because I literally could not get away from my desk.
Tomorrow I am going to the community meeting about the gym after work.  Friday out for dinner and then margaritas.  Saturday running out to the suburbs and back. How the heck am I supposed to have time and energy to follow a recipe (or even wash my dishes or clean my kitchen), let alone INVENT a new recipe with a schedule like that??
Okay, I am being a big brat.  I know, if I really wanted it I’d make time for it.  Blah blah blah.
Really, I found a new fitness blog today that I did not bookmark because instead of being inspirational, it was like watching Martha Stewart when you have a crappy mismatched apartment.  Oh wait, that describes me too.
It just made me feel bad about myself.  So I decided this particular blogger cannot possibly have a full life.  No way.  I may not weigh 30 lbs less, but at least I have variety.   And that, my friends, is the spice of life!

I’m So Inarticulate Right Now

Seriously. My head has been in a weird (not bad, just transitional) place lately.  I leave letters off words, words off sentences.  I took down a post yesterday because I realized after I wrote it and the comments started coming in I had not said at all what I wanted to say.
So.
Don’t listen to me.  Go over to Sizzle’s.  Her post today is brilliant, and the comments…well, the comments touched a lot of thoughts I’ve had/been told lately.  Love. It.
(maybe from now on my blog entries will just link over to Sizz or Barista for awhile…hee hee)

MUA*: Today’s blog entry is number 666.  Spoooky.

*Maybe unrelated aside

Fussy Foodstuffs Friday

Barista had a post up recently that inspired this one.   We all have our own food idiosyncracies.  Here are some of mine:

1.  I don’t like eggs, unless they are in omelette form or the Julius Meinl baked eggs, which is like an omelette.  In other words, not unless they are filled with other foods.
2.  I don’t understand people who can crunch on ice.  It makes my teeth hurt just to think about!
3.  While I like some of the less desirable vegetables out there (brussel sprouts, spinach, squash), I CANNOT STAND lima beans.
4.  I enjoy corn on the cob but I’m not a huge fan of it off the cob…especially from a can.  Blech.
5.  When it comes to mac and cheese, I favor the powder much more than the creamy.
6.  I have a lot of food texture issues.  For a long time, whipped cream, jello, pudding and other creamy foods made me gag.  I like pudding now but because I’m lactose intolerant, it doesn’t like me.  However, jello and yogurt without fruit in it still make me gag.
7.  I like banana muffins and banana bread but I HATE bananas and most other banana flavored things.
8.  For years I’ve said I don’t like ham but recently I’ve found myself eating more and more of it.  I still prefer baked ham, though, over deli ham.  Or canned ham–blech.
9.  I’m allergic to mayo so just about any salad-y type food that involves mayo is out.  If I crave a tuna sandwich, I’ll usually mix it with Italian dressing.  But that doesn’t happen often.
10.  And to touch on Barista’s central argument–I am a food mixer. Guilty as charged.  E. & his dad ate their food in courses…i.e., meat, then veggies, then bread or whatever.  Admittedly it drove me a little nutters.

Still Keeping Busy…

The past couple nights I felt like going to bed at 8:00.  My head was pounding–it felt like someone was driving a nail through my head right behind my left eye.*  But, some rest and some Advil cold & sinus later, I feel pretty decent right now.  I did level 3 yoga on my Bryan Kest DVD and even got myself up into a headstand. Hooray!
Before I go on about my upcoming weekend, please don’t misunderstand my post from yesterday.  It was not a way of saying, “I give up” but rather, I believe I am a whole person whether I get married or have a family or adopt an African Grey Parrot or whatever.  It’s just more a possibility (though NOT a rule) that I’ll have difficulty meeting someone for the long haul.   I’m accepting that I am not the model of “married by x years old with 2.5 kids and a white picket fence”…but then,  I’ve hardy ever been the model of anything traditional.
Case in point! My idea of fun this weekend?
Well, going to Midnight Yoga Friday…which…actually starts at 10:30pm.
Then going to see the Windy City Rollers for the first time Saturday night with an old, old friend that I haven’t seen in years.  Fun!!
And, hopefully some more Scrabble practice with P on Sunday, despite the looming threat that the tournament** might be postponed to November or December.  Ah well.  More practice time, I guess.
My co-worker M is also trying to get me to organize margarita outings on Friday nights, which I have no major objection to.  I just said I couldn’t do it this Friday because of yoga and I originally couldn’t do it next Friday b/c I wanted to be clean and sober and well-rested for the Scrabble shakedown.
She proceeded to tease me mercilessly.
I suppose I may have deserved it.

*Ever since I had shingles, my left ear/eye area seems to be much more sensitive to pain when I get headaches and whatnot.

**If you have donated and I haven’t thanked you, it is only because at this point I have no idea who has donated what, or how much we have raised total.

I’m a Realist, Not an Optimist

I had been toying around with a post in my head and I didn’t really get it fully formed until I popped over to Sizzle’s blog today. 
One of the roughest things for me about this particular breakup is facing the fact that I will be 35 next year.  And blah blah blah, age is just a number, all that.  I know that.  I know I have a lot to bring to the table and it’s not like I am going to drop dead next year.  And anyway, I think with the divorce rate staying steady (as far as I’m aware?) gives me a nice pool of guys who already know what they don’t want.
Still.
There is a definite stigma about being a woman over 35 and single.  It is hard not to regret the last 2.5 years when I started this all at 32.5 years old.  Once I heard that a woman has a better chance of getting shot by a bullet than finding a partner after age 35.
Now, that’s not to say I buy into all of this and put my head down at the end of the day and give up.   That’s not me.  Plus, it is completely illogical that when you turn a specific age, suddenly the entire universe shifts to conspire against you.  But, I’m not going to hurry/rush into anything new just because I’m staring down at 35 next year.   After all, H. found her current fella at age 37 (I think?) and he’s a rock star.  So for each rule, there is an exception.  And there is adoption, and artificial insemination, and people are living longer and all that.
I guess I haven’t really hashed this all out as well as I thought.  The point is, I am going to be 35 in April.  And it is a very real possibility that I won’t get married and have kids.  That is not being pessimistic, that is reality.  What I want is to accept that there is nothing flawed or horrible about me because I am 34.5 and single (and female–that’s a big part of it, society does NOT put this kind of pressure on older men…it just doesn’t).  I am self sufficient and very healthy,  I am happy and I have a good career and I have two sweet pets and lots of great friends.   (I hate that I even have this bizarre need to defend myself because I am single…so what? Who cares if everything else is so good?)
I just don’t believe that we can hope and hope and hope and life will give us exactly what we wanted.  But I do believe that life works out the way it is supposed to and everything will be okay no matter what.

Marathoner

Okay, the cat’s out of the bag.  I was secretly training for the Chicago marathon the past few months.

Ha, NOT.

I went to the Chicago marathon with Kim & Steven today.  Even though I’ve lived in Chicago for almost 10 years (!!), I’d never gone.  Okay, when I first moved here I don’t remember having much need for or interest in fitness.  And I really didn’t think watching people run could be fun.  But you know what?  It really is!! (especially with Kim–tee hee)
Despite getting up early on a Sunday to stand in the cold, it was so cool to just support these hordes of people running their hearts out (and to be a part of a big community event in the city).  Some were running with apparent ease, some obviously struggling, but all complete strangers who appreciated our shouts and cheers.  Who smiled and waved at the random girl on the street yelling their name.*  It was a kind of awesome hard to put into words.  (I did have a horse in the race**, but unfortunately did not see her–there were a LOT of people and after watching them for 2 hours they kind of started turning it to a blur!)
Afterwards I went to meet up with P for some practice Scrabble, but unfortunately I think I was a little overtired from the rest of the weekend’s festivities (saw Hey Mr. Spaceman [highly recommend!!] on Friday, followed by a couple of Silver Patron-laced margaritas, and brunch with H. on Saturday morning***)  I’m kind of like a little kid at a birthday party when I’m overtired and overstimulated–I just break down and start weeping.  Which I did.  Which was slightly embarrassing, but P took it well and in retrospect, it’s sort of fun to play the “what did the other customers think happened?” game.  I took a long nap when I got home, read a little, and took a 45 minute walk just a bit ago.  I feel much better.

*A lot of runners had their names on their shirts and Kim and I had a lot of fun yelling for people by name.  It either caught them off guard or made them smile–great fun either way.

**I’m not calling Amy a horse, by the way.  It’s just a figure of speech.

***Pumpkin crepes at Julius Meinl.  Holy hell, I need to learn how to make these.

In Case You’re Wondering How I’m Doing

…and I do have some emails to respond to on this.
Week 1 was better than Day 1
And Week 2 was better than Week 1
And next week will be even better
And the week after that, too.

A Hairy Situation

No offense, but I think the ladies are going to be able to relate to this one a little better than the gents.  But I could be wrong.  I don’t want to generalize.
Have you ever had to break up with a hair stylist?
I’ve had this happen only once or twice.  The stylist I went to when I first moved to Chicago was great, but I moved and she was toooo far away to justify the train/bus dance that going to see her involved.  Getting a haircut took me close to three hours.  FAIL.
The next hair stylist that I fell in love with moved to NY, so technically she left me.  I started seeing her co-worker and things were fine for awhile.  But recently, while trying to grow my hair out, it started sticking up in every direction.  She said that was just part of the length it was, but I wasn’t convinced.  My hair had never done that before.
Two of my co-workers go to the same salon in Boy’s Town, and, HELLO, if there’s one part of town I expect a good haircut it’s Boy’s Town.  Plus, this particular salon had a stylist who specializes in cutting curly hair.  I decided to give her a shot.  Same distance, same cost as the salon I’d been frequenting so no major issues.
Well, I freakin’ love my haircut.  It is seriously one of the best haircuts I’ve had, like, ever.*  When you’re walking down the street and a gay man calls you sassy?  That is a good haircut.
So I think I’ve found a new stylist.
But I feel awkward, because H. is still going to my old stylist.  And she (the stylist) is a really sweet girl.  I also think she is a decent stylist, I just have difficult hair**.  I’m afraid she’s going to put H. on the spot and ask about me.  I feel like I should tell her I moved on.  At the same time, that seems silly and unnecessary, but still…my hairstylist knew all the details of my life and family.  I feel like I owe her some sort of explanation.
I’ve never had to leave a stylist because I just found someone better.  *pout*

*I know, you want photos…you know how I am about the photos here.  But I am at least going to try to get a new profile pic on Facebook.  Problem is I keep forgetting to buy batteries so I can download pictures and edit them with my mouse but not at the same time b/c I’m swapping the same AA batteries out of my camera and into my mouse and back.  I know, I am sometimes so technologically unsavvy. :p

**Thick. Curly.  The stylist was cutting my hair and at one point said, “Wow, the further in I go the more hair I find.  This is going to take longer than I expected!”  I could give an entire head-of-hair transplant and still look fine, I think.