Oh, The Dentist

I woke up this morning thinking maybe it is time for me to woman-up and get myself to the dentist.  The kitties see the vet tomorrow, so perhaps it is time to face my next specialist-related fear. (assuming all goes well, and assuming I don’t drop a small fortune at the vet–kitties don’t have health insurance, and *I* don’t have dental insurance)
I hate going to the dentist.  Let me give you a small history.
When I was a kid, I had to have most of my baby teeth pulled (Tori went through the same thing, which is thoroughly weird–I’ve never met anyone else who experienced this in my life).  I don’t know the reason for Tori, but for me it was because my baby teeth weren’t budging and all of my adult teeth were growing right over them.  I was a like a shark, with a spare set of teeth.  Not surprisingly, I had to get braces because my adult teeth did not grow in properly.
At some point post-braces, I had to have my wisdom teeth pulled.  All four were impacted and had to be surgically removed.  Then I got dry socket, which is the common infection you can get after your wisdom teeth are pulled. The medicine made me puke, it was so gross.
Now, despite all of this, I never ever had a cavity until a few years ago when I went to a “new” dentist after my insurance plan changed.  All of sudden I had 6 cavities (which were attributed to aging, but, ahem, I have had no cavities since so WTH??) and the dentist did not have nitrous oxide in the office because of the insurance risk.  I should have run.  Instead, I took a Xanax after much insistence that she give me SOMETHING and had a miserable time getting six cavities filled.
I’ve since gone back a couple times to my old dentist, who I love.  He is very sweet & funny, his staff is sweet, they send birthday cards and an actual newsletter.  Hilarious.  My teeth have been fine under his care but I STILL. HATE. GOING. TO. THE DENTIST.  I hate the feeling of the cleaner on my teeth, the scraper on my gums, anything being shot into my mouth, the sander that they occasionally use…ugh, I’m getting queasy just typing this.  So cavities or no, getting a teeth cleaning is a miserable experience for me.
And so I have been putting off going to the dentist, with the handy argument that I don’t have dental insurance.
Of course, I could pay for it out of pocket.  Especially if it just ends up being a cleaning.  It’s just been really hard for me to blow that kind of money on an experience I hate so much.  Seriously, getting outpatient surgery on my ingrown toenail and watching the needle with the numbing agent go under my toenail was much more bearable than getting my teeth cleaned.  I’m a weirdo.
So, are you one of those people like Kim who enjoys the dentist?  Are you there every 6 months?  Or do you fall in the camp, like me, of people who would rather have toe surgery than go to the dentist again??

Just Fine

Sometimes it feels like it is easier to blog when things are bad.  Because, you know, you have things to complain about.  I have nothing to report right now.  Really, very little at all.
Work is still busy but I am chugging along and doing just fine.  E. moved into his new place and I finally saw it last night.  I am in love with it and he seems SO HAPPY (in part because of the shorter commute, and in part because the endless amounts of windows, methinks).  The weekend is wide open save for a vet appointment and a casual party invitation for Saturday night.
I have been reading a book in bits and pieces on the el and at lunch time.  I have been taking full 1 hour lunches again. That is nice.
I do feel fat and gross and out of shape and disappointed in myself, but I am not going to dwell on that.  I just keep making the right choices and doing the right things and that will work itself out.  I will have time to exercise tomorrow, Saturday, AND Sunday so I am not fretting too much that on the heels of my recommittment to it, I haven’t done a thing.  This will fix itself, it has to. 
Everything else is just fine.  I suppose having heavily medicated bowels helps that.
Oops.  Too much?

Results & Committments…& Microwaves

All went pretty much fine at the doctor.  I’m on a medication I took once before, and it helps a LOT.  It started getting things back on track immediately.  It’s a medication that regulates your digestive system and relaxes the top and bottom of the stomach to help stop the spasming.  However, it makes me extreeeemely sleepy.  After passing out at 6pm last night, I only took half a pill today.  So now I am kind of weird and spacey but relaxed.  I’m looking at resumes and having kind of a hard time making sense of thing so perhaps I will just focus on setting up appointments today. 
Next time I feel this bad I think I will just call my doctor and get this prescription called in as opposed to spending an entire weekend feeling miserable and hoping I am feeling better. :p
Overall, my doctor had theories as to why this was happening but it’s kind of difficult to explain. Suffice to say many of my systems–hormonal, urinary, and yes, digestive–were alternately out of whack.  Our joint theory is that internalizing stress + a urinary tract infection and antibiotics threw my body into chaos.   And this is where the second piece comes in…
I have GOT to make a committment to get back to exercising 5 days a week.  This is not about weight or how toned I look, this is about how my body functions.  It is very hard when your body feels fatigued and exhausted to keep exercising regularly.  But it’s only going to make things worse if I keep putting it off.  Even if all I can manage is a walk, it’s better than nothing.  So I absolutely must make a committment to keep to an exercise schedule next week. I am going to set it up in advance, track it, reward myself…whatever I have to do to stay on task.   Regular exercise WAS and has been proven to keep stress at bay.  And even though relaxing and reading a book sounds like fun, and it is good for me in its own way, it can’t take the place of exercise. 
Last but not least, the search for a decent microwave has been harder than I expected.  Guess why?  Back to school sales.  In July.  Insanity.  But yes, they are marketed with all of the dorm room essentials, and at Target, they were almost entirely sold out (at least the one I went to).  And at Sears, the selection was…limited.  Also, did you know there are $400 and $500 microwaves?  Absurd.  I want one that is nice enough to last more than 3 years but not so nice that I am paying half my rent for it.  AND there is the problem that if I am running too high of a wattage in my kitchen/dining room while the dishwasher is running, or the iron is plugged in (??) I blow a fuse.  So a big powerful microwave sounds nice but will be incredibly impractical. I thought I wanted this one because, admittedly, the pizza oven is just neat.  But at the end of the day, I have a real oven for that and it seems like a waste of space.  I really want a Panasonic but they don’t have any at Sears.  So maybe I’ll do some more window shopping on a Kenmore.  I seriously had no idea buying a microwave could get this complicated.

Quick & Funny

I’m leaving for the doctor in about 2 minutes.  And I’m very nervous.  My regular doctor is on vaca, so I’m seeing another doc in the practice, Dr. B.  I have seen him before & he is great but I usually only see him for simple things like sinus infections and viruses.  He’s not as intimately familiar with all the twists and turns (heh) of my gastrointestinal tract like Dr. J. is.  I am wondering if I’ll just get some medicine, a pat on the back, and a suggestion to relax.  I really, really don’t want to end up with 200 tests needing to be done.
However, Kim had a blog post up about simple, funny things in the day and then Elizabeth posted this entry which seriously had me in tears of laughter. 
Enjoy.

And send good wishes to Tori who had surgery today.  I think 98% of the blogospher is thinking of you today, lady!

Ergh

There was a lot I planned to do this weekend, but my body had other plans for me.  In fact, I should be at Nilsa’s right now hanging out with some of my favorite bloggy buddies, but I am instead sipping tea and resting.
As some of you may know, I’ve had issues with IBS for awhile.  Beyond a small flare-up last year that was initially suspected to be gall stones but proved to be treatable with my IBS medication, things have not really been bad for quite some time.
This weekend was bad.  Like, probably the 2nd worst attack I’ve had, EVER.
What is most distressing is that normally an attack this bad can be traced to one of two things with me–travel, or stress.   I have not traveled recently enough for this link to make sense, and stress…well, I am frequently under (sometimes self-created) stress but nothing right now that’s any more than usual.  In fact, it’s probably far less than usual…or at least far less than most of this year.
So I am going to call the doctor tomorrow and hope that there just needs to be an adjustment to my medication again.
Meanwhile, my diet is pretty stripped down to whole grain crackers, bread, and light proteins.  I tried to run on Friday which really seemed to set things off.  And I tried to take a walk today which seemed to make things worse.  So at least for this week, if I feel like anything at all it’s going to have to be yoga (which has actually been proven to help people with IBS).   I have been tired with low back pain for the past few days, which is a symptom I didn’t even realize was related but makes sense if you think about it.  Apparently the stress on the bowel muscles from IBS is compared to doing 1000 situps.
I think I’m too tired to even be too torn up about all my weekend plans falling to pieces.  Honestly, my body wants rest, and it feels good to provide that.

Facebook, I Blame You

The weekend is nearly here, and I am still in a terrible mood.  And it struck me last night, right before bed, that recent developments on Facebook are at least one of the many reasons I am feeling horrid this week.
You see, people from high school are finding me.
At first, it was a couple people I was actually friends with, and that was cool.  I don’t have many friends from high school, but when people from my old circles surfaced I was happy.  They are cool and interesting people doing cool and interesting things so that is nice.
Then people surfaced that I wasn’t exactly friends with, but I didn’t have anything against either, so that was okay.  Those people requested to be my friend and I went along with it.  One of them even used to work at the same company as my dad, and that was kind of funny to me.
Then people surfaced that I definitely wasn’t friends with, never talked to, but for whatever reason we spoke again in adulthood, so that was okay.  Sort of.  More or less.
And now people are surfacing that I never talked to, and by and large were not nice to me.  I cannot for the life of me understand why these people want to be friends with me on Facebook.  We have nothing in common.  Most of them still live near where we grew up, which is fine–that is not inherently bad or wrong.  It’s just…different.  Generally speaking I can’t really relate to those people.  Many of them have probably never even been to a city much bigger than Cleveland.
And then last night, one of these new Facebook “friends” called another a f*gg*t.  In jest, the guy he was referring to is straight.  But, ha ha, where I grew up that was about the worst thing you could call someone.  You know, because there really was no one who was ACTUALLY gay and if there was, they kept that fact COMPLETELY TO THEMSELVES for fear of being kicked out of town by an angry, homophobic mob.
Suffice to say, I did not have a good high school experience.  I had moments that were good, and usually those moments involved my friends from art or band.  You know, those of us who were looked down upon and teased for being interested in the arts or more intellectual pursuits than football.  I moved as far away as possible when I had the chance (college).  I appreciate (very much) that my parents raised me in a safe neighborhood, where the doors didn’t have to be locked and I could play outside all day long.  But I regret that I grew up somewhere where most people were so devoid of cultural understanding.  I appreciate (also very much) that my parents exposed me to books, and classes, and different kinds of people and taught me to be open minded and accepting.  But I regret that so many people I went to school with still hold the same close minded opinions of ideas beyond their little world.  I like that I can throw a Camus reference out among my group of friends here and I’m appreciated, not mocked or made to feel stupid.
By now, I should have let this all go, but clearly  I haven’t.   I am pretty sure I cannot possibly go to my next high school reunion because even thinking about all that tanks my mood fast.  And I am pretty sure I will not be adding any  more “friends” from high school on Facebook.

Torn Down

I wrote two earlier posts today and took them down.  The words just weren’t coming out right…but those of you who read me with a feed probably saw them.
I have been terribly oversensitive this week and I don’t really know why.  Work is actually LESS stressful than last week but I am fussy and easily hurt.  I am frustrated with how other people are living their lives when in the end it doesn’t really impact me directly.  Today I am so exhausted, and I don’t know why.  I got plenty of sleep last night but I am counting the minutes until I can go home and put my head down on my pillow.  Hopefully after a wee nap I will make it to the gym, but there is still tons of housework needing to be done…
The weekend is crowded with things to do and about 50% of them I don’t want to do (birthday parties and Sizzle’s arrival in Chicago excluded!!). 
My microwave is broken, I have no groceries, and my favorite work shoes have a hole in them.  Although I did order a pair of shoes online today so at least that is (hopefully) soon resolved.  I don’t know when I am going to have time to get a microwave…at least none of the parties I’m attending require melting or heating anything for them.

A Temporary Solution

First:  Please note, I am NOT at jury duty!  Woo hoo!!! I called the automated number last night and found I was not needed today.  Yay!! All that fuss for nothing.
I still don’t want to be called for jury duty, though.  Not as long as I don’t get compensation from my employer for it.
On the plus side, I organized my work and my desk so that I would be prepared for an extended leave, and as such things are a bit calmer this week.  Also, I got a lot of rest over the weekend which helped too, I think.
Speaking of rest, I overslept and missed my 5K. *ahem*
I am still training though…there are races in September and October that I want to do as well.  I just wish more of them were later in the day.  I understand why they are not but man, getting up early to exercise will always be a struggle for me.
So, speaking of exercise…I finally had a chance last night to investigate the park building near my house (about a half mile, to be exact–I can do a warm up run there in 5 minutes!).   I can join their fitness center for $50 that will cover now through September 30th.  I can cancel my current gym membership any time but it won’t actually go into effect until August 31st because of how their billing cycle works.  However, the cost of the one extra month and then the few months at the park district comes out to less than I would pay for my current gym membership over the same period of time, so even with the overlap I come out ahead.  The park district gym is not fancy.  They have free weights and a few machines but definitely not what I am used to.  Still, it is a good temporary solution until I figure out a long term one.  And it buys me time on the chance the gym right by my house opens up…at all this year. 
I miss weight training, as crazy as that sounds.  I really want to get back in the groove.  Taking time off from it was the right decision at the time, and it’s eased up my schedule a bit the last couple weeks.  But I am ready to pump some iron again!

Phooey On My Civic Duty

I don’t think I mentioned it here (although I mentioned it ad nauseum to anyone else who would listen), but I have received a jury summons for Tuesday the 21st.  I know there are people who enjoy jury duty but I find it to be an enormous pain in the butt, in part because it requires me to go to the Cook County Court house which is 1) Totally on the opposite side of town 2) Not at all easy to get to 3) In a not-particularly safe area of town and 4) right next to the Cook County jail.  Also, because I am a Consultant, I do not get paid for my time off.  The ridiculous $20 or so stipend you receive per day is a fraction of my daily earnings.  (although rare, there have actually been cases where self-employed people went bankrupt because of extended jury service…the courts look upon the jury stipend as a “living wage” which seems both subjective and absurd to me) 
And of course this falls right in the middle of the ” (department name) Shit Storm” I’ve started calling the aforementioned Big Project I’ve been involved in.  Yay.   My Monday is booked from dawn ’til dusk in preparation of a potential extended leave.
I think what I am most irritated by is the fact that there are unemployed people or people on severance or people on unemployment who have the time and would actually come out ahead with the additional (piddly) change.  That and the fact that if I were on trial, I would not want my fate in the hands of someone who was angry, bitter, and losing wages because of my court case. 
I think I will mention this last point if I actually get called to serve.
Everyone cross your fingers and toes that I don’t.

Stressed Yet Concerned

The past week at work has been super stressful.  I think sometimes people think if you’re not working long hours, you’re not experiencing job stress.  That’s just not true.  Sure, it doesn’t help, but I think a 14 hour steady day and an 8 hour day full of fires are closer to equal than not.
Anyway, in typical blogger vague terms, what I can tell you is that I am working on a pretty big project with a VP.  Like, the impact of our work is VERY visible to the outside public.  High profile.  And on a typical day, I get called by this VP twice, emailed 3 times, and probably meet with him about 2 x a week in person regarding this project.  This is, of course, in addition to my other work.   So while I am still only working 8 hours a day, I am exhausted when I get home.  Today is the first day I feel semi-relaxed, and that’s mostly because I haven’t heard  from aforementioned VP so far.
My point in even bringing this up is that I feel like I am neglecting some people and it’s killing me.  In the past week, friends of mine have:  had an outstanding performance review,  gotten rejected for a job that looked like a sure thing, struggled with health issues that remain undiagnosed, and mentally prepared for an upcoming surgery.  There are also 4 birthdays this month and 1 wedding within my circle.  
When I tried to push myself too hard earlier this week, I got crabby like I’ve not seen myself in awhile.  And I won’t have that, it doesn’t benefit anyone.  I paid too much for a vacation to get rid of that crap.
So once again I ask that those of you mentioned (and others) keep in mind that I am thinking of you, I really truly am, even if I don’t have time to provide the words one on one to you.  I am sorry if this makes me a bad friend. I am doing the best I can.