The Grudge

So, a little over a month ago, a friend that I was on shakey terms with anyway did something that hurt me very much.  I know this friend knew, and said friend apologized, but it was such an awful slight to me and part of a much bigger degeneration of our friendship that I had a very difficult time accepting the apology.  I should have had a conversation with the friend, but I was just ready to be D-O-N-E.
I am a grudge holder.  I’m well aware, and people who know me would agree.  There are ex boyfriends from college whose mere name still makes me clench my whole face up in anger.  The funny thing is that I am pretty tough to cross.  I mean, you have to go out of your way to make me angry enough to form such a grudge in the first place.  Thus, by and large I think I am a forgiving person.  I think that I am also the sort that when I love you, I love you with all my heart.  So friendships and relationships mean quite a bit to me. 
But, there are other people I know who have been slighted by this friend and don’t seem to be as ready to give up entirely as I am.
What say you, audience? Forgive and forget? Or are you a grudge keeper like me?
Quite honestly, I spent a lot of my life giving so much of my energy over to people that hurt me, that I think I need to tighten up my boundaries a bit.  Which I think makes me more apt to cut people out of my life when they start giving less than they get…
I feel like I am a big meanie but if I were to let this slide, I feel like I’d be an even bigger fool.  And that whole tug of war is something I am having trouble sorting out right now.
Is it totally shallow to also want to replace the tarnished friendships with shiny new ones? (note that I specifically use the word tarnished–by no means do I think old friends should be periodically replaced with new, just the ones that aren’t really friends at all any more)

We Interrupt These Vacation Memories…

With a Meme I lifted from Baggage:

1) What was I doing ten years ago?
Ten years ago I was in graduate school, finishing my first year towards an M.A. in English.

2) What are five (non-work) things on my to-do list for today:
Clean up the dishes, go for a run, drop disposable cameras off at CVS, buy new notebooks for work, watch the season finale of LOST.

3) Snacks I enjoy:
Do you want the good girl answer, or the bad girl answer?
Good girl says:  Apples, cherries, Dannon Light & Fit Yogurt
Bad girl says:  Movie popcorn, cookies, chocolate Bunny Grahams

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Pay off my student loan; take a year off work to travel; buy a house on the lakeshore in Evanston; buy a sharp little convertible, buy my parents a winter home in North Carolina and a Mustang Convertible for my Dad; go back to school for both cosmetology and a Ph.D. in Industrial Psychology (hey, I’d be the most interesting and sympathetic hairstylist ever!); donate to all the charities I have to pick and choose from at my current income level.

5) Places I have lived:
Smalltown Ohio; Cincinnati, Ohio; Chicago.

6) Jobs I have had:
Pharmacy tech; Barista; Jr. Recruiter; Recruiter; Recruiter; aaaaannnnd…. Recruiter.

Bits and Pieces

As with any long vacation, tidbits and memories are coming to me in bits and pieces.  So this is probably how I’ll be writing for the next two days.  And I know I owe you some photos (especially of the Mustang I drove!!)–those will be coming, I promise, there’s a story there too…
First things first–I am still not sure if I saw seals or sea lions, but I am leaning toward Pacific Harbor Seals based on the photos and the location where we saw them.  You can read more here if you are interested.
Jet lag apparently hits me HARD.  Like everything, I suppose, my body or immune system struggles to shake it off.  I was exhausted and out of sorts most of today.  I slept pretty much after work until now (9pm).  My guts were also quite cranky, but most of that has passed thankfully.
My digital camera died the 2nd day of the trip.  When I attempted to do anything, I got a “lens error” message and could hear the little motor whirring away.  I got a new one at Target for a pretty good price that’s in fact nicer than the one I had, and I love it!  However, I did not have time to get to Target before the wedding and had to buy a disposable camera just for photos at the wedding & reception.  I forgot about it being in my suitcase and it went through x-ray at the airport.  I think I’ll make a CVS run tomorrow and drop it off, with fingers crossed that it wasn’t totally ruined.  E. and I are both hoping somehow everyone’s pictures make their way into a big old Flickr pool.  There were some really cute pictures taken all around that I don’t have access to otherwise.
A story from the day of the wedding that’s kind of funny:
E. was actually in the wedding so the fellas participating and all their dates got picked up by a limo to take us to the wedding proper.  As was the trend of the week, no one had built in time to have lunch (I was getting used to this, and had a bag of beef jerky packed in my tiny satin purse–hilarious).  Well, considering quite a bit of the wedding party had stayed out far too late the night before (I participated in the Brazilian steakhouse and a trip to a Hookah Bar, but then caught a ride home to the hotel with the other old fart…er, I mean, less party-inclined guest…) (yes, I partook of the Hookah, largely out of curiosity, and found it to be something I can say I did but not anything to write home about–I was much more impressed with the German Chocolate cake E. and I shared there!), some people were feeling rather ill and in much need of food.  How do you quickly feed 12 people in a limo without making yourself late to the wedding and hence avoiding a total bride blow-out?  McDonald’s! 
Someone had joked earlier in the limo that they felt like they were going to prom all over again.  I said if the trip to McDonald’s didn’t seal that feeling, I don’t know what would!
8 hamburgers, 8 cheeseburgers, and 4 quarter pounders later, we were on our way.  And yes, I ate a cheeseburger.  One little pouch of beef jerky was not going to hold me until the reception at 7:00!
Please have patience with me as I catch up on your blogs.  I got about halfway through my feedreader today, and for the most part didn’t comment anywhere.  If only no one would write the rest of the week, I might actually get caught up…

Home Again, Home Again

Here I am back in Chicago.  Where it was hilariously 20 degrees warmer than California today.  *sigh*
I’m a bit jet lagged and out of sorts.  I caught up on the major points of my work e-mail (it turned out nobody called or bothered me once while on vacation, and I only had to make one phone call that ended up in voicemail anyway), looked at my training plan for the next couple months, and can muster up *just* enough brain power to give you an outline and then go back to looking up the difference between sea lions and seals on Wikipedia.
The wedding was beautiful.
The weather was…not awesome.
The beach was stunning (I videotaped sea lions sunning themselves!! Or seals…I’ve still got to figure that one out).
I ate at a Brazilian steakhouse for the first time and nearly died of protein o.d. (not really).
I also ate McDonalds in a limo.
And tried In and Out Burger for the first time.
We all ate WAY too much.
And at odd times.
To say I fell off my diet plan is a serious understatement.  *sigh again*
I drank far less than most, and we all still drank WAY too much.
My body clearly does not like flying across two time zones.
But I didn’t get motion sickness on the 4 hour flight (thanks Bonine!).
I did miss the boat cruise Friday night, though, due to a mystery bug that seemed to be spreading through those of us whose immune system was weakened by lack of sleep and crappy diet.
But I did make new friends!
I looked at art in La Jolla.
I lounged on Laguna Beach (but did not take my sweatshirt off).
I fell in love with Santa Monica, where I ate some seriously rocking sushi.
I apparently made my kitties very angry.  They have been yelling at me in unison.
Oh yeah.  And I drove for the first time in THREE YEARS. IN A MUSTANG CONVERTIBLE, no less.

More later.  Back to marine life research, then cuddling with angry kitties and bed… 

The Funny Thing About Leaving for Vacation…

Is how often you are struck with people saying, “Oh, that’s TODAY?” (or tomorrow, or whatever).  As if you never gave them any warning whatsoever!  Much as I’d like to sometimes, I’m not the sort to just up and leave town without notice.
Now, I don’t expect everyone to have my schedule, flight #, and itinerary memorized.  But as such, if you don’t remember when I’m leaving, don’t ask anything of me prior to my departure just because YOU forgot I was leaving.
Alright, I admit, a lot of this is aimed at work.  For my own sanity, I am adopting the mantra of “If you didn’t get it to me by yesterday, you are SOL.”
On a brighter note, I’m remarkably calm today (usually get a bit freaky-deaky prior to a trip, that really hit last night) and really looking forward to the trip.  I leave this evening so…I’ll catch you after the holiday! Enjoy!!

Jedi Packing Master, Part II

I fit all of the following in my suitcase:
2 dresses
2 jackets (blazer type)
6 pairs of underwear
3 bras
2 sets of pajamas
2 pairs of jeans
6 short sleeve tee shirts
1 long sleeve tee shirt
1 sweatshirt
5 pairs of socks
1 cardigan
1 sportsbra
1 pair of shorts
1 pair of capri pants
1 pair of flip flops
1 pair of dressy sandals
1 pair of dress shoes (for wedding)
1 bottle of nail polish
1 paperback book
Suncreen
Swimsuit
Makeup
Wrap to go with fancy dress
Small purse to go with fancy dress
Toiletries
Medicines for the week
AND I STILL HAVE ROOM IN MY SUITCASE!! Woo hoo, souvenir space!
Um, I am ready to go. What do you mean I have to wait until tomorrow???

Jedi Packing Master

I know I’ve mentioned here that I’m going to San Diego this week, but I’m not sure if I mentioned that it’s for the wedding of a friend of E. And E is in the wedding, and will be wearing a tux, so I have to pack pretty fancy. About a month ago I found The Dress (too lazy to link to archives) and I also bought a cute little turquoise dress some time ago to wear on the boat cruise Friday night. Except, it’s going to be in the lower 60’s all this week in San Diego and as you know from my last entry, that means I will be cold.
My list of things to pack takes up an entire notebook page. I declared that I need to pack four pairs of shoes and E. was a little stunned. Um, hello! Cocktail attire wedding, reception, and boat cruise for the wedding party, along with hitting the Gaslamp district and the beach? Readers, surely YOU understand the need for 4 pairs of shoes?? (It was originally 5, I have both casual sandals and flip flops and I’m still torn about not packing the casual sandals…)
Anyway, I won’t go into the details of everything else I need to pack, but at least I was sensible enough to think of things that layer well together (cute blouses and cardigans, sweatshirts and cute tees). I still have to find something to replace the pretty turquoise dress but that’s on the agenda for today. (and I’m still packing it, on the odd chance we get a heat wave or I find somewhere else to wear it because it really looks FABULOUS on me)
I don’t think E. believes that I really will be able to pack all this. But seriously, I am the MASTER at Suitcase Tetris. In the past few years, I’ve managed to stuff a variety of clothes for visits home PLUS all gifts acquired during holidays into my suitcase each and every time. I may not be able to lift it, but dang if I didn’t fit it all in there.
I wish I didn’t have to pack my laptop though. That’s at least two pairs of shoes right there. *sigh*

What Are You Doing Next Weekend?

I have been remiss in my friend-pimping as it pertains to the Pilcrow Literary Festival. What is Pilcrow, you ask? Well, A pilcrow is the paragraph symbol in editing. But Pilcrow Lit Fest is an independent literary festival launched, organized, and lovingly birthed by Ms. Amy Guth. Sadly, I will be out of town for the festivities, but I hear there is already talk of a 2009 festival…
Anyway, from the mouth of Guth herself, here are outstanding items still needed:
I need more booze and wine for the NOLA party. Or, a place to buy a bulk of it inexpensively on Pilcrow’s budget.

I need smiling volunteers to greet authors and audience members at the panels on Saturday during the day.

I need smiling volunteers to be in charge of various small tasks throughout the evening on Friday May 23rd, and especially on Saturday May 24th.

I need to buy a bulk of pralines at a good price. Take a moment and look at our ChipIn donation tracker, then review your definition of good price.

I need a place to buy a bulk of corn muffins. Same rules as above.

And most of all, she needs your smiling faces throughout the weekend, but particularly at the silent auction to benefit New Orleans libraries. Here’s a link to the calendar. C’est manifique, oui?

Me, The Perpetually Cold

Yesterday people were talking about going outside in the 60+ degree temperatures without a jacket. I left the house with a down-filled jacket that I usually wear in late fall.
I am always cold, and I swear since I lost weight it’s gotten even worse.
Today it is supposedly in the 60’s again and I am wearing a sweatshirt with a very cozy afghan over my legs. I opened the window for a few but ended up shutting it b/c I was getting goosebumps. Next week I will be in San Diego where it is predicted to be in the 60’s and at times rainy. I have to overhaul my entire planned wardrobe because I will get cold, grumpy, tired, and shivery if I wear the pretty little turquoise dress I planned to wear on the boat cruise Friday evening.
Did I mention that my nose constantly feels like an icicle??
I did a little searching on the interwebs to try to determine what the heck was going on with me. Is it normal to have goosebumps when the temperatures are in the 60’s? I’m not a puppy, so why do I have a perpetually cold nose?
The consensus? Stress. Or poor blood circulation, but more likely stress.
I was skeptical at first because everything that could possibly go wrong in one’s body seems to be attributed to stress. On the other hand, I exercise 5 days a week so having poor blood circulation is a bit more difficult to believe. In my readings, though, I found that a cold nose is a particular tip-off to stress related chilliness.
Weird, right?
Do I have stress? Well, if you consider your employer telling you that you’re expected to attend to work items on your vacation then yes, I would call that stress. Especially when it means your sweetie is (understandably) not particularly thrilled about that setup.
*sigh*
I’d suggest someone send me off to a spa in the desert for awhile, but I’d probably be expected to take work calls mid-massage, too.

I Want My Own Fragrance, Darn It!

I received a free sample in the mail of Mariah Carey’s new perfume, “M”. It smells awesome so, hooray, here is another scent for me to spend to much money on and become addicted to.
Curse my uber-feminine tendencies.
Anywhoo, I went to the webpage to find out what the notes (or scent mixture, for the less-beauty-literate among you) were and was floored when I saw all of the details about why each note was picked, how the bottle was designed, and how much of it is “oh so personal” to Ms. Carey.
Here, see what I mean.
I’m aware that there are places out there that let you design your own scent, and even your own bottle. That’s nice and all, but it must be incredible to be so famous that a brand like Elizabeth Arden will customize a frangrance that supposedly represents who YOU are, and then designs a bottle that’s got YOUR feel to it, and THEN sells it for tons of money from which YOU receive a kickback.
How do I become famous enough for that to happen?
I wonder if celebrities actually do wear their own perfume. What if the chemistry mixed with their own was actually stinky? I would feel less bitter then, I think.
Maybe.
So, if you were a Royal Famous Person, what would your signature scent contain?
There would definitely be hints of chocolate and caramel in mine, minimal flowers, maybe a fruity undertone if something would work with the chocolate…orange, pineapple, or coconut perhaps?