Speaking of Toxic…

Don’t worry, this post isn’t going to be about a certain self-destructed former pop princess.
No, it’s about some other demons (not of the canine variety) I need exorcised.
Last night I had a dream about someone I went to high school with. I have dreams about people from high school regularly, although a lot more in recent months.  The format is almost always the same–run-in with popular person from high school results in them either making fun of high school me, or admiring and praising how awesome current me has become.  Now, I have been out of high school long enough that I should  not be having these dreams anymore. WHY do I still feel like I have to prove something to the tools that picked on me all those years ago?  Why? – when likely I haven’t crossed their mind since graduation, if even then, and they probably wouldn’t remember my name if you said it three times and conjured me up ala’ Beetlejuice.
(speaking of being forgotten, what the heck ever happened to Michael Keaton after Batman?)
What is kind of bothering me right now about it all is that I know subconsciously there is a very direct link between my training plan and those feelings about high school and the people therein that should have been purged by now.  While there are a hundred reasons why I am doing this (perhaps I should cross-post this entry on the other blog), admittedly I think deep down inside I am DYING to go to my reunion (which, ahem, is not for another 5 years) looking uber-hot.  Fit, fresh-faced, perfect skin and toned.  Since having an advanced degree and a good job in a major city is not “cool” where I grew up, maybe looking like the athlete I never was will be cool instead.
The only thing possibly more successful in their eyes would be 3-4 children, and I am totally not there (obviously).
*I* am thrilled with my life right now.  I had a fantastic college experience and many friends from there that I am still close to (and in fact live in Chicago too!) All that should be enough.  If I have anything to prove, why is it still to these knuckleheads I left behind 10+ years ago?