My Perfectionist Tendencies Will Kill Me One Day

I woke up this morning feeling nothing short of a failure, and for the dumbest reasons.  Once again I feel like the delicate balance of work/personal time/friends/boyfriend is being shot to hell by yours truly.  And really? It’s because I try too hard, and beat myself up about it.  It’s not like I never make time for any of the above (except for personal time, which was in spades this week due to my cold)–I am just never pleased with how it turns out and always, ALWAYS feel like I am letting somebody down.
By the way? That’s like, one of my worst fears in life.  Seriously.  Spiders?  Eh.  Failing someone else?  Eeek!
I have some work to attend to this weekend which is putting a crimp in my day.  And I was irritated enough yesterday to say “forget it, I am not touching work this weekend”, but the reality is, the candidate for this one job has another offer on the table and time is of the essence.  This job has been open far too long and I will very nearly give this guy a bonus out of my own pocket to close this damn thing.  So it’s nothing to do with work’s expectations of me, but rather, if I tend to it now the long term benefits will be greater.
My best friend is talking about coming to visit next weekend from Ohio which would be AWE-SOME! Except that it takes the balancing act I already feel like I am single-handedly ruining and throws yet another wrench in the plan.
How do you all keep your lives in balance?  Help?
(at least the kitties seem happy with me–though, if I ever go back to working outside the home, that will change in a heartbeat!)

The Ferrell Formula

While I wouldn’t go so far as to call it the greatest movie of the year ala’ Dave (wink), I watched Blades of Glory last night and was tremendously amused.  Will Ferrell is so hit or miss for me, and I think I finally figured out what makes him work in my mind, taking into consideration I almost liked BoG as much as Talladega Nights.  Almost.
I can’t stand Will singlehandedly running the show.  When he is sharing the spotlight with a “buddy”, as it were, I seem to enjoy him a lot more.  He needs a foil for his humor not to get old.  I mean, his style is pretty much the same every time.  Crotch jokes, boob jokes, nonsense.  But against another character to water it down a bit, I can tolerate it much better.
Anyway, Jon Heder was pitch perfect, and Amy Poehler impressed.  Gosh, I just adore Jon Heder.  He is such a talented and underrated actor.  And really cute in the weirdest way. 
So belly laughs and a big bowl of Tom Yum soup (with a side of garlic chicken) seemed to knock a lot of the crud out of my head.  Hoping to be 100% back to normal tomorrow.  Which is good, as I have another busy weekend ahead. *sigh*  I think E. and I need to plan another  vacation in the wilderness, preferably wherein I pamper my stomach beforehand so as not to cause an early departure…
ETA:  Stephanie has a great story on her blog this morning–ah, life in the city!

Day of Rest

Well, not entirely, as I’m still pretty busy with work stuff.
But I am finally giving my body a break today.  I *might* take a walk with H.’s dog at lunchtime, but otherwise I am totally taking it easy this evening.  Whatever is in my head has gotten worse and I feel so stuffy and miserable today.  I’m popping Sudafeds and drinking fluids and hoping this damn sinus crap is out of my system tomorrow.
I was pretty impressed with Bionic Woman last night.  It contained some of the usual reasons I’ve all but stopped watching television (crappy dialogue, gratuitous and highly annoying sex scene) but overall was one of the more intriguing shows I’ve seen in awhile.  Plus, I admit, it played on my nostalgia.  Doing a little search online for the original Bionic Woman doll, I was terribly amused when I found this description of her Bionic Beauty Salon–a pink scientific console where you can “check and repair her circuits”…and also style her hair for a hot date with Steve Austin. *sigh*  Even last night’s Bionic Woman had heaving bosoms.  How funny would it be if Superman had a shave and shower station to prepare for a hot date with Lois Lane?
And now here it is…your moment of Zen…
How was I the last person on earth to see the tremendously popular Evolution of Dance on YouTube?? 

Where Have I Been All Day?

It’s been a super busy day in the downtown office.  Two big meetings turned into two bigs and one small meeting.  All went well, none as bad as I feared…though the fact more of my positions will be requiring Spanish fluency is a bit daunting.  See, I always joke that I get nothing done when I go downtown.  That’s because when I am downtown it is for meetings and meetings eat up SO MUCH TIME!
The career leaves have been falling from the tree in the form of a barrage of calls so far this week.  I’m feeling more secure in my present position, but also more generally secure knowing the wealth of opportunities out there.
I am exhausted and living on caffeine because of course I could not sleep last night.  No caffeine tomorrow, or I will no longer have a digestive system I fear (as in, I will burn it out).
But I am heading to the gym for 30 mins or so on the elliptical machine since I’m so close to the gym and then settling in to watch the Bionic Woman premier and order a pizza w/ H.  Should be a good relaxing evening–just what I need, dontcha know!

Oogh

First of all, I want to thank all of you who commented on my rant about Self Diet Club and their entrenched attitude that starvation is the way to go.  Everyone was so supportive, and as ya’ll probably know, support when you are trying a new exercise/diet program is really important. 
Speaking of exercise programs, today was supposed to be a running day but I am feeling like ASS.  My head was really congested when I got up this morning, and I have the classic pressure over my sinuses/jaw pain from too much yuck in my head.  I really really really hope this does not turn into an infection, because I don’t want to go through all that again already.  I’m downing my Airborne in the hopes it’s just a cold coming off the seasonal weather fluctuations (40 degrees ->90->63…nice!).  I might see if I can at least eek out a mile later today.  Though I have to admit, a nap is sounding much more appealing, especially since I have to be downtown tomorrow to participate in two very not-fun meetings.

Bullets Over Monday

• Run for your life! – I ran 2.5 miles yesterday.  This is my greatest running accomplishment since I started running again, and I am only 2 or so weeks in.  That means a 5K in October/November should be cake.  I have been a super-solo runner, and I feel bad because I have had numerous offers to be a running buddy.  I just have to be in my own zone and push myself.  A. has been the only person I could ever run with, and I suspect that’s because I’ve known her for almost 15 years and lived with her for 2.  But when I pick my run, if you want to run with me, you are totally welcome to do that and/or meet me for pancakes after and/or just cheer me on.  Just don’t be offended if I have my earbuds in and don’t even notice you once we leave the starting line.
• Regret – Yesterday H. and S. and I went to brunch at Over Easy, and I made the mistake of not sending back my corn cakes when they proved to be super-fire-hot.  They were packed full of red peppers and I think perhaps some sliced up jalapenos because they were realllllly spicy.  Within an hour I regretted not sending them back, because my guts revolted.  I will spare you the details, but until I downed nearly half a bottle of Imodium in the p.m., I was a pretty unhappy girl.  So note to you–the corn cakes at Over Easy are HOT, not sweet.
• Resume’! - My resume’ is updated nicely, and has been sent a few places to kind of keep myself on the back burner.  Work is slowing down at an incredible rate, so I am only trying to prepare. I’m not actively looking, but if I have to be looking, I want to have lined at least a few of my ducks up before I have to actually leave the pond.
• Really healthy! – Last night E. and I made salmon marinated in a basil-lime vinagrette, along with peas/carrots and red potatoes. It was sooooo yummy.  Then we watched Family Guy and Adult Swim and other nonsense.  Um, we watched a lot of tv this weekend.  Whatever, I prefer to think that we relaxed a lot this weekend.  It is already very, very, very nice to have E. less chained to work every day.

Pink Puffy Hearts

While this week may have been sheer crap, the weekend so far has just been love and fun and giggles.  Last night E. and I went out with Kapgar and Kilax & their respective spouses.  We had SO. MUCH. FUN.  Seriously, we were at the restaurant long after our check had been paid, watching the kitchen staff cleaning up their workspace and making their own little dinners.  It’s a shame we’re so spread out–or maybe for the best, so that poor Katie doesn’t have to tag along to another blogger meetup every weekend! (though, it really felt like more of a triple date imo)
Since we were so far out west, we popped over to visit with some of E’s friends in le burbs.  I was greatly outnumbered by boys for most of the evening, but learned some real interesting secrets about the male of the species–sadly I am sworn never to open my mouth about what I heard them spill.  Here’s a hint though–ladies, they DO notice what we wear, especially the single ones!!
I spent the day relaxin’ with my man today and I felt a little weepy when I got on the train to go home. Yeah, yeah, I know–gag!  But it’s true.  I felt like a little kid being dragged away from their best friend’s house at dinner time.  I just wanted to stay on the couch and relax and watch more Jackie Chan movies dubbed over in Spanish. (we did!)  (we also went to the park, to a killer pancake house, and for a scenic drive north of Evanston)
Tonight is boy’s night, and while I was invited out by the gf of the host (so sweet!) I am tired and a little sick to my stomach and needing to putter around and relax tonight.  I’ll be watching Netflix pics and revising my resume (mainly because it has not been updated since…um…2004?)

Something Not to Do When Feeling Fragile

So, I’ve been a little…ahem…emotional this week, and a little bit lacking in confidence, which is rare for me.
I’ve been working my fanny off at exercising, logging my calories, etc. etc.  And since I belong to the Self Diet Club website (not linking for reasons I’m about to share), I hopped on to the forums to browse around a bit.  Anyway, I was wondering if it was normal to be voraciously hungry to the point of regularly going above your alotted calories when you are first starting out on a new exercise program.
I am not linking to Self Diet Club because right now I think Self’s well-intentioned health and nutrition advice is being horribly abused.  Over and over I found threads that basically went, “I am never hungry, I can’t eat as many calories as the program recommends for me, I can’t lose weight and my doctor says it’s because my body is in starvation mode…” Blah blah blah.
I am not saying this isn’t real and important.  I know people have eating disorders–heck, I’ve known plenty of people who had them.  But when I went into this forum hoping for good, honest, well-intentioned advice I got a snarky response from one person who said my hunger was “all in my head” and I’m “just eating all wrong.”  Wow, gee thanks.  That’s like, TOTALLY helpful.  B*%$ch.
I held back from posting a very snotty response about how I probably would have gotten better advice if I’d posted that I’m 110 lbs and only eat 500 calories a day, but I thought better of it.
Still, when I logged out I wanted to cry for so many reasons. I really should not have let it get to me as much as it did.  Instead, I should celebrate that I picked myself up this morning after I took a tumble, and finished up my longest run yet. (and discovered I’m running about 2 miles now)  So, nyah.  Take that Self Diet Club bee-yatches.

City of Chicago, Fix Your Damn Sidewalks

I took my first spill while running this morning.  I’m okay–I just have a scraped up calf and knee and my hands are a little raw.
Two people stopped to see if I was okay, which was really nice.  The first guy said he goes running on that street all the time and has more than once tripped & fallen over the exact same hitch in the sidewalk.  Then another lady came by and said she just rode her bike over that exact same spot and wiped out.  She showed me where she had to have six stiches put in her chin.
Ummm, it seems to me that if THREE people have injured themselves on the exact same spot on the exact same road, something should be done about it.  Considering how many people use the sidewalks every day, and we’re already working on the CTA and the roads, how about tossing a little money toward evening out the sidewalks?  They are a wreck in this city, seriously.
If I had more free time I’d organize a case and get signatures and whatnot.  If that one guy in Nebraska could sue God, I think I could sue the city of Chicago, especially considering how many lawyers I know! 

The Mystery Continues

My neighbor received another mysterious “refrigerate immediately” package today.  I checked the mail at about 5pm, so I didn’t bother debating about whether or not to bring it up, since he’d likely be home soon anyway.
This time, though, I noted the return address and did a Google search as soon as I got upstairs.  So far, I’ve narrowed the search down to three places in Pittsburgh, PA:
1) A home security company
2) A restaurant building contractor
3) A sleep disorder clinic

#1 makes no sense unless my neighbor is purchasing some new biological home security system.  #2 is also out–if it had been an actual restaurant, I would assume he’s just ordering steaks and be done with it.  #3 is a possibility…is he receiving medicine from the sleep disorder clinic?  Why all the way from Pittsburgh to Chicago though…?
Harumph.  I’m clearly no Miss Marple. (and she didn’t even have the help of the internet!)